Subtle Verbal Aggression In A Relationship

Verbal aggression may not be as obvious as physical violence, but the consequences are often severe. 

Violence can show up differently in a relationship. Verbal aggression  is often very subtle and therefore often overlooked, especially at the beginning, but it is just as harmful and destructive as physical violence.

Pejorative words, insults or curses are just a few examples of  verbal aggression. 

Today we invite you to learn more about this topic. Because verbal aggression cannot simply be dismissed with “this is normal” or “my partner is just like that”. You must not allow verbal aggression!

Definite verbal aggression in a relationship

You may not want to see certain  verbal aggression from your partner,  you have got used to it because it “always has been like this”.

These include, for example, the following situations:

• Mockery and irony to make you bad or to expose yourself in front of others.
• Your partner specifically draws your attention to positive traits of other people in  order to emphasize your “negative” characteristics:  “Wow, this woman has a great figure, I like that.”
• Obvious lies are also aggression, even if they are unimportant things: “I did not put the key here.”

Emotional blackmail

Emotional blackmail is also a type of verbal aggression designed to manipulate someone. The goal? To achieve something or to gain satisfaction through the control of the partner.

Very subtle words can make the partner feel guilty and bad, have remorse. When emotional blackmail is used in a relationship, there is no such thing as love. 

Manipulation, the desire for control, and the use of one’s life partner for selfish ends destroy any relationship.

The classic manipulation of the partner is also referred to as gaslightning  in psychology  . Psychological violence can go so far that the manipulated person doubts their own mental abilities.

With statements like “I didn’t say that” or “You’re crazy, I would never do that”, the victim is manipulated and made into doubt.

The goal? Control of the victim in all areas. If the victim is angry because he knows exactly what happened and expresses this, the perpetrator often punishes the person with silence.

Silence for long periods of time and completely ignoring your partner is also an aggression. This is an attempt to take revenge on the victim so that he may ask for a reconciliation.

In a nutshell, the victim is humiliated for control.

Stop verbal aggression

Even if verbal aggression was normal in the parents’ relationship, even if you think that it is not really tragic, you should definitely stop this dynamic and not allow it!

Draw your attention to your feelings, because only if you are honest with yourself and listen to your inner self can you escape this situation.

If your partner makes fun of you, do you feel bad afterward? If he ignores you, do you feel guilty? When he doubts your mental capacity, do you feel frustrated? You have to get out of this situation! 

There is no “but”, no excuse that is worth it, not even the learned phrase “but I love him so much”. A person who considers verbal aggression to be normal in a relationship is not healthy!

No matter how often your partner tells you that he loves you, even if he apologizes and admits his mistakes, he just wants to get another chance to continue the same pattern of behavior.

Open your eyes, he’ll probably never change!